I’ll let you into a secret – you’re not the only headteacher sitting on a beach this summer second-guessing decisions you made, things you said or actions you took over the last year, instead of relaxing and enjoying the sun. Lots of heads are going through that right now, and it’s making them wonder how long they can stay in this crazy, overwhelming job.
A recent client came to her first coaching session wondering how she had lost her passion and motivation for the job. She talked through some of the difficult experiences she had had recently – parents complaining about decisions she had made, inspectors judging harshly and not giving credit where it was due and the heavy burden of pupils with significant needs combined with insufficient funding. She was spending a lot of time thinking about how she had dealt with these situations and in many cases blaming herself for how things turned out.
In our sessions together, we made some space for the natural human emotions that arose during these situations. Anger, frustration and disappointment were all there, quite naturally. The layer of self-judgement that she was adding was making them harder to let go of. Speaking the feelings out loud and having them met with compassion helped her give herself some grace.
The load started to feel lighter for her and she started to reframe her role as a job, rather than trying to be some kind of mythical superhero, who is strong and pushes through, whatever is thrown at them.
Kristin Neff is one of the world’s main authorities on self-compassion and she talks about it having 3 components:
1. Offering yourself kindness and care
2. Reminding yourself that encountering pain is part of the shared human experience
3. Holding your thoughts and emotions in mindful awareness
For school leaders, that means giving some time and space to the difficult things that come up in our jobs. For example, when a parent complains and you experience difficult feelings, allow them to be there, name them and remember that you're not the only one feeling that way.
When you see ‘headteachering’ as just a job, and not your whole life, it’s a lot more do-able and manageable. It also means you can have a summer holiday where you relax, without overthinking all the decisions you made and conversations you had. You know that you did your best with what you knew at the time. Maybe there are some things that you can write down to work on later, but for now you can relax and give yourself some grace.
If you’ve had a tough year, and you’re finding it hard to let go of things that happened, and situations you were part of, coaching conversations can help. I’m available to support with that. Book into my calendar here for a complimentary consultation – let’s talk!
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